Edvard Munch – The Scream
I love this picture. My husband doesn’t – he feels that it is unpleasant and unsettling. However I have always identified with it. It visualises how I feel when the voices inside my head start shouting at me. This does not make my husband appreciate the artwork any more – he feels that this analogy is unpleasant and gets concerned when I start talking about my ‘voices’. I think this may be a boy/girl thing. I do not find my voices upsetting, they are just my inner monologue, the list of things I have to/want to/meant to do. They are my way of rationalising my ideas, oraganising my days, keeping my life on track. My husband does not work like this – he is thinking about what he is doing at that moment and everything else is forgotten.
Over this last week my mind has been working in overdrive. Before becoming parents, I do not believe that anybody can really appreciate how a little one can eat up the days. Don’t get my wrong, these are the most wonderful of days. The little man smiles whenever he sees me, he laughs and chatters and plays all day long and I cannot get enough of of those little hands
clawing at stroking my face. I love it all. Then 8 o’clock hits. He is asleep, dinner has been eaten and I begin to panic. The washing is still piled in the corner because I could not put it away when he was asleep in the bedroom. That bookcase still has papers piled on it. There is clutter on the windowsill in the kitchen. Chatter, chatter, chatter my brain is spinning and I just want to cover my ears to stop the noise.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not unhappy – quite the opposite in fact. I am loving life at the moment. However, in times like this I find it hard to to find the calm that I need to organise my ideas. I cannot blog when I am like this – I have so much to share that it feels like too much. I walk away and wait. Wait for those voices to slow and the noise to quieten down.
Aw, when I look at that none of it matters. My boys. Perfect.
It will all get done. One day. 🙂