The hour was late. Mr Bear was tired, Mrs Bear was tired and Baby Bear was tired, so they all went to bed.
Have you ever read Jill Murphy’s ‘Peace at Last’? It is beautifully written and one of my favourite books.
However, just for fun, let’s try rewriting it to suit current circumstances:
‘The hour was late, Mr Bear was sleeping but Mrs Bear was up yet again as Baby Bear was screaming!’
I have to say, peace of mind has been a little lacking this week. I have blogged about the excitement of garden renovations and parties and food and blankets but, to be honest, this week has not been easy for me. I have been tired. Not just a little lacking in sleep but nerve grating, bone achingly Exhausted. That special sort of tiredness that comes from having a baby who has woken up inexplicably screaming for the tenth time since you got into bed and has now decided that it is morning. The sort of tiredness that makes you have to swallow your irritation towards your husband as you haul yourself out of bed whilst he still sleeps blissfully unaware (I would add that hubby is usually very good at getting up with us when he is not exhausted himself from labouring in the garden all day). The sort of tiredness that makes you irrationally tearful and emotional.
I love my boy more than I could say. I am so incredibly blessed to have him in my life. I am lucky that he usually sleeps so well. It is not his fault that he keeps waking. He is tired and confused and would rather not be awake so often. I know all of that but I would be lying if I did not say that there have been moments this week when everyday life has felt a little oppressive. I could not write about it at the time because I felt guilty. Instead I wrote about happy things, about blankets and food and parties. I recalled a walk from last week because I wanted to remember a time of tranquility when I was not so tired. Even as I write this I want to delete it and write something optimistic and cheerful but I want this blog to be honest and even the best of us have off days, or weeks.
Then last night it happened. I put my little man to bed and he slept. I went to bed and I slept. We both slept. There were no tears, no screams. Just Peace at Last.
I cannot describe how I felt when I woke up this morning, calm and well rested. Wonderful. A few hours of sleep and the fug had lifted, my mind was clear. All day I have felt like skipping. Hubby decided that he was going to have a break from gardening and we were going to have a bit of well-earned family time. Nothing spectacular, just all of us sitting together, playing together, being happy together.
By mid afternoon the patches of blue were calling and it felt like time to get out.
I hope you will forgive me another walking post but this is what I need at the moment. Fresh air, blue sky, open spaces.
Instead of our usual anticlockwise stroll around the lake we turned left and walked past ‘our’ lake, past the play area and towards the river hidden behind the field.
Down here is a small inner-city country park with a trail through scrub and grassland, a haven for flowers and wildlife.
The paths were lined with these beautiful flowers which were alive with bees. (I’m afraid flowers are not my strong point, does anybody know what they are called?)
These seedheads just made me think of the Wombles of Wimbledon!
We walked through the grass and over the bridge until the path opened up to another, larger lake.
Here the stream runs into this lake and there were hundreds of tiny little fish eating the little bits of goodness where the two meet. This is confirmation that there are actually fish inside these lakes as I have sometimes wondered if the eternal fishermen down here ever catch anything!
Everything was so green and beautiful. I love it down here. I felt so happy strolling quietly along with my husband and our amazing little man.
It was so calm and peaceful today. The weather was warm and still and the reflections were perfect. I breathed deeply and felt at one with the world.
The symmetry of these scenes never fails to amaze me – like the world is on its head. I could just stare at them for hours.
There were so many ducks and geese (you know how much I love waterfowl!) and the cygnets were turning from ugly ducklings into swans.
We didn’t walk very far but I enjoyed every minute of our time outside. It was exactly what I needed.
I hope I have not bored you with my ramblings, both metaphoric and real, but I have found the process of writing this post incredibly cathartic. I am so relieved to have my equilibrium and ‘get up and go’ back. It has made me savour every sweet moment of tranquility today and take the opportunity to appreciate what I have in life. Peace at Last!
Tomorrow, I promise something different and much less self indulgent!
Sweet dreams! xxxxx